Mom Guilt

It's been on my heart for a while to write a blog post like this. I am a Christian, wife, mom of three young kiddos, and I work full time. As I said in my last update, the last six months have been hairy at best and there have been many moments where I wondered if I was giving enough to each of these pieces of me that make me who I am. I have referred to these feelings many times over as "Mom Guilt." And I know we all have felt it. 

I love my job outside of the home and I think I am pretty good at it too. However, it is heartbreaking to wake up your daughter at 6:30 am when she is sound asleep and the first thing she asks is, "Are we going to Jodi's today?" As much as my kids like going to Jodi's house, at the ripe young age of three they are already living for the weekend when they get to stay home with mommy and daddy. #MomGuilt

Since having kids I have often thought about the possibility of being a stay at home mom. And in all honesty, I don't think it's for me. Some days I wish it was but it's not a reality that works for our family. I have always found that working outside of the home has made me a better mom for when I am home with my kids. Unfortunately as most of you know the hours between picking up the kids from daycare and putting the kids in bed are not always the happiest. And that makes being away from them during the rest of the day extra hard. #MomGuilt

Because I do love my job and I want what is best for my kids, I tell myself on a daily basis that if I have to be away from them, I am going to make sure that I am doing my absolute best at work. And when I am at home at night and on the weekends loving on my kids, I am going to try to devote as much attention to them as possible and leave work at work. On the days I am home with a sick kiddo, like I was two times this week, I am going to try to put the Mom Guilt away and stop thinking about the ever-accumulating emails in my inbox at work. And when my kids come home from daycare and tell me something that I know I didn't teach them, I am going to try to put the Mom Guilt away and be thankful that we have found such a wonderful provider who cares for our kids when we can't.

So whether you stay at home with your kids, work full time like me, or have found some ground somewhere in the middle, I want to remind you that it is enough.  :)

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas everyone! Our household is finally taking some deep breaths. I am not going to lie, this fall was hairy at best. :) Kevin went straight into volleyball after doing construction this summer and tore his Achilles as I mentioned in my last post. He decided to do this while getting his Master's, teaching a double overload of classes, and  renovating the basement. But we are finally at a place where we have a few moments to have a conversation at night and maybe even watch an episode of Scandal. Volleyball is finished, the semester of Master's work is finished, and Kevin is getting around really well on his feet. We joke that he is getting old because he thinks he can sense the weather by how his foot feels.

Since my last post, Oliver has turned ONE! He is still such a happy and content boy. The only time he really gets upset is if he can't do something that his sisters are doing. He loves to watch them and laugh at them, and they love to mother him and make him laugh. He loves to be silly and be chased. He likes to have an audience and be a ham and show off his smiles. He LOVES to read. He will sit by the box of books and take out one after another flipping through the pages and feeling the pictures. I know the girls loved books but I don't remember them ever sitting to read as long as Oliver does.
He is still a pretty good eater but we are starting to see times where acts picky. We know if he doesn't want something because he will start to throw it on the floor.....darn peas, can you blame him?
Knock on wood but he has been sleeping well too. He is pretty much down to one nap a day and goes down easily. He goes to bed between 7 and 7:30 and loves to snuggle with his Taggie. He has a blue blanket that he likes to have in bed by him too. He gets into position by tucking his hands under his tummy and puts his butt up. Pretty stinking cute if I say so myself.

Amelia and Quinn are each the epitome of a three and half year old girl. One minute they are happy and the next they are whiny. One minute they are sweet and the next sassy. They still love all things princess and Frozen and pretty things. They like when I bring home a new shirt or hair clips for them.They like it when I wear shoes with heels and they like to help me pick out clothes. Sometimes they bring me shoes while I am getting ready that they think I should wear....unfortunately it doesn't work to wear open toe'd wedges in December. :) One time I had gotten them some new tights and had put them in their drawer. A few days later they came running out of their room so excited to have found a new treasure. They said to me, "Mom, we never saw these before! They are cute! We like it when you buy us things."

The girls like to go to the library and pick out books. Most times they grab any that they see and put them on the pile that we are going to check out. Sometimes later when we are reading them I feel like maybe we should have checked them a little bit closer. :)
They also like to play outside and go for walks. They like to find big leaves and berries and collect treasures. So far this winter we have been pretty lucky to still be able to bundle up and go for some walks.
It's also pretty fun to watch the girls interact with each other. Quinn calls Amelia "Melia" and Amelia calls Quinn "Qinn" and some how whatever they are playing they always know what the other is thinking or planning.

We wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a blessed 2016! In 2014 we didn't expect to have a baby and in 2015 we didn't expect to sell our house and move or have Kevin tear his Achilles. Can't wait to see what 2016 has in store!

Grace Abounds

My last post was back in April! I can't even believe how fast these months have gone. At the time of the last post we were getting ready to move. We have moved into Sioux Falls from Harrisburg and really love our neighborhood! There have been some things with the move that have not gone according to plan but that is the case with any move I think. Maybe I will expound on that more sometime, but not now. 

So we moved the end of April, Kevin's school year ended in May and he and Nate went back to their construction business working long days. In June we had to switch daycare providers, in July the girls turned 3 (Kevin turned 32, haha) and we went to Canada through the first week in August. Oliver got two teeth and a double ear infection in Canada so we got to experience the Canadian medical system. When we got back Kevin started volleyball and then.....tore his achilles! :( So he had surgery the last week of August, missed the first couple days of school after Labor Day, and it's now mid September! Oh yeah, my birthday was in there too. Did I mention we also had 7 inches of rain in just a little time and had water in our basement? I had to call my brother to come help me since Kevin couldn't and he could barely get to our house because the roads were so flooded. 

To say it's been nuts and overwhelming around here is a bit of an under statement. As a mom of three with a full time job, my window of opportunity to spend quality time with my kids and husband and balance that with putting food on the table for them and keeping the floor somewhat cheerio free was hard enough when I had Kevin's help. However the last month with him being laid up has really tested my organization skills....and sanity. After getting up at 5 am, (4:30 if I hang with Shaun T for 25 minutes) there are many nights where I don't stop moving until 9:30. After the kids are in bed, usually around 7:30-8, then there is still cleanup from supper to do, lunches to make for the next day, laundry to fold, and so on. Although we always knew we were a good team, Kevin and I have realized how good of a system we had now that we are kind of a one (wo)man show and that routine no longer exists. I honestly don't know how we would be surviving if it wasn't for my parents and everyone else who has helped with a meal, the kids, our yard, etc. You are amazing and we THANK YOU!!

In these crazy moments I have been reflecting a lot on God's grace. This is the season we are in. And looking back on previous crazy seasons, there was always a greater plan or purpose that I couldn't see at the time. Everything that happened has happened because it was supposed to. I can now see the blessing that the situation was, and it has brought us to where we are. The song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) has played over and over in my head these last few weeks and describes the outlook I have been praying that I would have. 

     Your grace abounds in deepest waters 
     Your sovereign hand will be my guide 
     Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me      You’ve never failed and You won’t start now 

And while some of the "deepest waters" have been literal water in our basement and feet (Kevin's) have literally been failing, we know that he's never left us before and He's not going to now. We will get through and His grace will abound! My new favorite saying....all I need today is a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus! Who are we kidding, a whole lot of coffee too!

The good news is that Kevin has been able to go back to school and volleyball, although he still isn't putting much weight on his foot. That could take several weeks yet, but he has crutches and a knee scooter. While he can't really help like he used to yet, he is getting closer. He can sit in the bathroom with the girls and help them get dressed and brush their teeth. He can sit at the table with us again at supper. It's progress and I will take it! 

And the kids....oh my word! They are SO MUCH FUN! Amelia and Quinn live in a constant make believe world that is "their castle". They would wear their Elsa and Anna  dresses and do puzzles while watching Frozen all day every day if I let them. If they ask for something and I say we don't have it, the answer is always well I have some in my castle. The princesses are their friends and boys may not go in their castle. LOL. So entertaining.

Their little Buddy Boy is also becoming such a little boy. Oliver still LOVES his sisters and I swear he will say "sissy" sometimes! If he happens to be up while they are napping, he will crawl down the hall and try to get in their room. He wants to do whatever they are doing, whether they are doing puzzles or taking a bath he is right there with them. He thought he was sooo cool when we let him ride in the wagon with the girls...such a hot shot. He has been crawling since he was 6 months and he will often times stand but has not taken any steps yet. He will stand in the middle of the room not holding anything but then just sits down. He is definitely a momma's boy and he loves to cuddle. He loves to play peek a boo and act bashful. He is such a good napper and goes down really easily for the most part....knock on wood. So hard to believe he will be ONE in just a month. He has been such a blessing and wonderful addition to our family. Here are some pictures:

Thanks for sticking through this post...I have been wanting to do this for a while now because it feels so good to write and get thoughts on paper (screen)! Continued prayers for all would be appreciated! Have a great weekend!

April 2015

Phew! It's Saturday! Saturday afternoon to be exact and all three kids are napping! I am enjoying a hot cup of coffee and thought I would update the blog as there is lots to talk about!
First thing is that Oliver is 6 months old already! What?!? How did that happen! It seriously feels like just yesterday we were driving to the hospital to have him. He is still such a happy boy and smiles all the time! He puts up with a lot from his sisters being all over him and he will not stop laughing and smiling at them. He is getting very mobile and so close to crawling. He has the army crawl down pat and can get across the room quickly! We can't leave him for too long or it's anyone's guess what he is going to be doing when you get back. Oliver is also starting to sleep better at night. Seems like February and March were a little rough with him waking up at least once but usually twice to eat at night. He started oatmeal at 4 months and now over the last couple of weeks we have added bananas, avocados, and squash. And because of how mobile he is and how much he rolls we have stopped swaddling him at all ( we had been doing just his lower half once he could roll). I think a combination of these things has led to a better sleep for all of us. :) He will usually sleep from 8:30- 5ish and then will fall asleep until we wake him up when it's time to leave for the morning about 6:15.
He has his 6 month appointment next week so I don't have his official stats yet but I think he's probably just under 20 pounds...only 8 pounds less than his sisters.

Amelia & Quinn continue to be hilarious....and a lot of work. There are moments where I see glimpses of certain things being easier....and then reality usually sets in. They are getting better at just going downstairs and playing, but they are still 2.5 year old girls and some kind of fight or argument eventually breaks out. They are also very independent and somewhat stubborn so convincing them they are wrong about anything is almost impossible--especially when you are outnumbered 2:1.
They still love reading and singing. They love to do anything with stickers and coloring, anything outside or at the park, or anything with their bikes/trikes.
They also say the most hilarious things. Quinn is into asking us if we like pop. She will ask us at the most random times such as when we are heading out the door in the morning. We don't even keep pop in the house typically so I don't know where this came from. I think we had some with pizza a couple weeks ago and its been on her mind ever since.....Mommy you like pop? Daddy you like pop? Gramma like pop? Oliver like pop? No Oliver only drinks Milk. Amy (daycare provider) like pop?
On Thursday night we were having supper and I asked the girls if they knew who was coming over tomorrow (Friday) night. Quinn said "Grandpa and Grandma. I love them. I love them come to our house." So precious! Then Kevin asked if they knew who was coming to our house next week. They didn't know. So told them Grandpa John was coming! And Amelia says "I don't want to touch him." Kevin and I looked at each other like where in the world is this going...and asked her why not? She says back "Cause he's dirty!" LOL OK that makes sense. Sometimes when we skype Grandpa is still in the barn or in the shower from coming in from the barn. Or we get snapchats of Grandpa working in the barn getting dirty. So we told her that Grandpa would shower before he comes. :) Now we hear them having conversations with each other about how Grandpa is coming over but reassuring each other that he will shower first. The mind of a two year old!

Which brings me to my next topic. You might be wondering why Grandpa is coming out randomly at the end of April!? He is actually coming to help us move out of our house!! Yep, we bought and sold our house over the last month and a half. Actually our house was only on the market for 24 hours when we had our first offer and we had a house in mind that we put an offer on as soon as ours was listed. A whirlwind and a lot of work later we are closing on our new house on April 27. We actually can start moving into the garage next week Saturday and Kevin's dad was nice enough to come help with the move, painting, etc. We are excited!! The new to us house is actually older--built in the 80s and in a mature neighborhood with lots of trees. The house has storage and space--which we are out of in our current house. It's a little outdated but nothing that we can't work on over time. And I am excited that it's different from the cookie cutter style we are in right now. I'll make sure to take some pictures and post next time. In the mean time, here are a few pics from Easter and some others:

This is actually how 3/4 of our pics turned out on Easter. It was SOO bright!

February 2015

****I wrote this post in February and meant to just add the pictures. That never happened. I am adding them now but the information is a good month behind. :)
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Hi! Well I am finally able to sit down and type for a little bit. Kevin has the girls at church and I am home with Oliver who has been a little under the weather for the past two weeks. I feel like he is starting to turn a corner and I wanted to avoid the germs at church. So while he happens to be out cold right now, I am going to sit with a HOT cup of coffee and and update the blog.
The last couple of months have been hectic to say the least! I went back to work on December 29 and it has been going well so far. It is nice to be getting a routine going again. Our days look something like this....Wake up at 4:50 and either shower and get ready or feed Oliver if he happens to be awake. Each morning is a little different depending on if he woke up to eat during the night. If I fed him during the night (usually around 3) then I wake him up at 5:40 and feed him while I have breakfast. We wake up the girls at 6:10 and we are out the door by 6:30. Girls are dropped off at 6:50 and I am at work at 7. It's crazy how we have it down the minute --and we know if we leave our house just 2 minutes late we will hit every red light on the way to daycare.
Anyway, the kids are at Amy's until 4 when either Kevin or I pick them up. They usually watch an episode of Curious George when we get home while I put away everything that we had to take with us for the day. Tuesdays and Thursdays we are back out the door by 5 for swimming lessons. I usually find that I am always thinking ahead to what the next hour brings. I constantly have to remind myself to enjoy the moment that we are in or I am going to miss it because I am so worried about being prepared for what comes next. The girls are usually in bed between 7:30 and 8. Then Oliver gets a bath, lunches get made for the next day, laundry gets changed and maybe folded, and we are in bed by 10. Phew!

Oliver is doing well at daycare, although he needs to get used to not being held so much. He may have been spoiled while I was home on maternity leave. The girls are still in awe of him and ask about him immediately after waking up or coming upstairs...."Where OL..i..VER go? They love to give him hugs and kisses and are usually surprisingly gentle with him.
Oliver is 4 months old today and weighs 16 pounds. He has his appointment, with shots :(, tomorrow. He is starting to do well sitting in the bumbo and Kevin even had him in a jumper for a few minutes and he really liked it. It's amazing how fast their little heads get so strong. He is wearing 6 month clothes for the most part and has been for a month or so already.

The girls are doing well and are acting like typical 2.5 year olds. They have their moments of pure sweetness towards each other... "come downstairs with me sissy?", "hold my hand sissy?", "here's your baby sissy" and then the next minute we are having a meltdown. They like to play memory, babies, and hide and seek. When they hold their babies and their diaper bags, carseat, etc., they have started saying "I don't have enough hands mom"...hmm I wonder where they have heard that.
They know every word to "Oh Canada" and say "don't like that one" to the "Star Spangled Banner." I am sure you can see Kevin beaming now. They also know Jesus Loves Me, Baa Baa Black Sheep, ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, and so many more. They like to mix two songs and then say "That's not right!!" and then laugh and laugh like they are hilarious!
They make us laugh constantly with a few moments of complete woostness mixed in. They feed off of eachother when they are tired and wild making it two times harder to settle them down. It's not uncommon for a scenario like this to happen: I just start feeding a screaming hungry Oliver.....Amelia will say she has to go potty and Quinn will ask me to play memory with her. All at the same time. So I take Oliver with me to the bathroom and help Amelia go. Quinn tags along still asking to play memory. Just a lot going on at one time. :) Talk about not having enough hands...

Speaking of going potty....the girls are half way potty trained. They will have days in a row with no accidents and can keep their underwear dry. However they will not go #2 on the toilet. They still wear pullups for naps and bed time so that is usually when that happens. I am going to wrap some presents for them to see and when they finally go, they can open a present. It's so crazy cause the minute they go in their pull up they are begging to be changed and get mad if it takes us more than a second to do so. Usually they will go get a new underwear and pull up for us--that's how badly they want to be changed. Come on girls!!

Here are some of the latest pics of the kiddos: